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Salty and Sweet

We're nearing the two week mark of a mile stone that I now reluctantly share with you. After a long (and all to short) 6 month journey, my baby girl has weaned from my breast. The 6 month journey being the amount of time I breastfed while also pregnant. Ella nursed at my breast for the last time on April 4th, the day she turned 9 months. She'd started waking just once in the night for a few weeks prior, and she'd nurse and then I'd make her a bottle of formula before putting her back in her crib to sleep. About 3 days before she weaned, she'd nurse a few times during the day, but not for long. I began to feel as though I was more and more dry as each day passed. I gave her the last of my pumped milk last Tuesday, marking the official end to her receiving any breastmilk (for now).

I look back on the time I've had with Ella as she nursed and my heart warms and my eyes fill with tears. I will forever cherish these memories. Yes, there are things I wish could've been a little different with our breastfeeding journey. I wish I hadn't had to endure such pain after getting pregnant and I wish Ella and I didn't have to work through so many frustrations after I became pregnant. It was so much easier when I could count on nursing to be enjoyable. :) However, I do have a couple new career options after my experience. Never thought I'd contemplate becoming a lactation consultant!

I did get to enjoy nursing in these last 2 months and I will forever be grateful of that. Lots of prayer, patience, love, and support are the keys that helped us overcome these obstacles we came across. I know if I hadn't relied on God and my husband in these trying times, I definitely would've failed. Not to mention the many calls I made to my mom and the conversations shared with several Mommy friends who are also breastfeeding. I don't know if words can express my gratitude to each of you who played such an important role. Thank you.

Now, it wasn't always pretty. I'd be lying if I told you I kept my cool throughout this process. I wanted to scream at times, actually screamed at other times, said my fair share of curse words, and cried a lot.

It's bittersweet as we move on from nursing. It's a bit freeing now that I have a portion of my body back to myself and I have a small break before a new breastfeeding journey begins with Owen. I miss those precious moments with Ella. I get the notion she misses it too. Sometimes if she sees me without my shirt as I'm getting dressed, she'll whimper or other times she'll come up to me, crawl into my lap and tug on my shirt. I do plan to try breastfeeding her again after my milk comes in. If she won't take the breast, I can still pump and give her breastmilk instead of having to buy milk. We'll see what the future holds. Until then, I'm enjoying these months we have together before welcoming a newborn baby into our home.

I'm pretty proud of myself for nursing for 9 months! :) Sometimes, you have to look at the positives.

P.S. Those of you who have formula fed or solely pumped from the beginning- I commend you as well. There are a lot of dishes to take care of with all of those bottles, nipples, pump accessories, etc. :)
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